A few weeks ago, this headline was read in the LA Times, “Tiger Woods blames himself, says he was ‘selfish’ .” The way that Tiger Woods’ decisions have affected himself and his family are heart breaking to say the least. Tiger Woods’ situation, whether you agree it should be in the forefront of the media or not, may at least force us to consider our relationships, namely friendships.
Recently I was challenged in reading the words of Jesus where he said, “Greater love has no person than this, that they lay down their life for their friends.” I’ve often read this text, and given it a mental thumbs up to do nothing more than move on to the next section of the text containing those words.
One night as I was reading this text, I actually stopped at “lay down their life for their friends…” and I started to wrestle with this emotionally and mentally. I asked myself, “How often in friendship do I REALLY lay down my life?” “What does it mean?” I wondered… to lay down my life. I took this to an emotional place in my heart and considered that for one, it means LAYING DOWN my rights, my wants, and my expectations in friendship. As Tiger Woods said later in his official apology, “For all that I have done, I am so sorry… I thought I was entitled.”
How often do we feel entitled in friendship? Is it more common for us to feel that friendship is about giving up our entitlements, and laying down our life for another so that our friend would be blessed, or to engage in a friendship, because we’ll get something meaningful out of it. “This person encourages me so much.” “This person really challenges me mentally, or spiritually.” “This person makes me feel a thousand feet tall when I’m around them.”
I started to recognize that if I were truly honest that I was more interested in my OWN gain in a friendship as opposed to what my friend would gain. The notion of laying down my life, meaning to find ways that I could bless my friends, and to not seek to GET something out of the relationship in a selfish way really has challenged me.
As we consider I WILL BE A FRIEND over the next couple of weeks and months, I challenge us to seek relationships with those, who are very different than us culturally, and specifically that we seek to find ways to lay down our lives, so that we might be a gift to someone very different than us, a NEW FRIEND.

This morning, I received a concerning phone call.  It was left on my voicemail by a middle-aged woman with a cold, matter-of-fact, stoic voice. The message went as follows:

“Yes.  This is the Better Business Bureau (BBB).  My name is Michelle Roberts (name changed).  This message is for the owner of the company.  Please return my call at 888-123-4567 ext. 891 (Don’t try this number.  I changed it also.)  I will be in my office until 5 pm.”  Followed by an abrupt hang-up.

Immediately, my mind started racing.  Did someone lodge a complaint against one of the companies I lead?  How am I going to overcome being listed as a company that receives complaints?  Maybe the BBB just wants me to join as a member?  But why didn’t they come right out and say this?

Begrudgingly and a bit fearful, I dialed the number and entered the extension.  My call went straight to voicemail.  “You have reached Michelle Roberts with the Business Relations Department.  Please leave your name, number, and the name of your business at the beep.”  Once again Michelle’s message sounded more like a parole officer than a saleslady.  By now, I was sure my fears were confirmed.  This was not going to be pretty.  I left my information with a humbled and somewhat sheepish voice.

About 30 minutes later, my phone rang.  The caller id confirmed my suspicion.  It was Michelle.  “This is Jonathan Moreno,” I answered.

“Mr. Moreno.  Are you the owner or an officer of the company?” 

“Well, yes I am the officer of several companies.  Which company are you referring?”

She named one of my companies and continued, “As you may be aware.  The Better Business Bureau receives millions of inquiries and complaints against companies each year.  We moderate disputes and only give our accredited status to companies without complaints.  We would like to invite your company to be an accredited member since there have been no complaints against your company.”

After sighing relief I said, “You should have told me on your message that this is what you wanted.  I’ve been concerned for over an hour that there was a problem you would be confronting me with.”

“Oh no.  I’m so sorry,” She replied.

So the bottom line is ….my imagination went wild.  It immediately went to a worst case, defensive place.  Human nature… isn’t it?  I should have balanced my expectations.  The BBB could have been more friendly and communicated better.  Isn’t this true of how we communicate with and process interactions with other cultures?  Where is there room for improvement in your life?  In your processing of what others are saying? or your communication with others?

At our recent Why Do You Fear Me web event, we announced a new, global initiative called “I Will Be a Friend.” The initiative encourages people to make a commitment to be a friend to someone from another culture in 2010. Participants can register on the I Will Be a Friend website (www.iwillbeafriend.com), giving them access to the stories of others who have made a similar commitment, as well as providing them a place to share their own stories and receive encouragement and inspiration from others.

Though barely a month has passed since we launched this initiative, we’ve already seen a tremendous response. People from all over the world are eager to reach out in friendship to those around them, and to create connections of new understanding and courageous love. It is amazing and inspiring to see so many people actively participating in this revolutionary cause.

I Will Be a Friend is a unique initiative in that it challenges participants to make new connections within their own communities. It is a practical, affordable and attainable way for anyone who has a desire to promote peace and increase understanding to do so. By signing up with I Will Be a Friend, you are taking the first step toward change. I Will Be a Friend will be there to support you through the shared experiences of others as you continue your journey of peace and friendship.

Friendship is a powerful thing. By engaging with another person in genuine friendship, you are stepping out of your own world and willingly participating in someone else’s—and you’re doing so without selfish motivations or the desire to change them. That is what I Will Be a Friend hopes to encourage: genuine, selfless friendship that results in two people learning more about one another without ulterior motives or façade. As your lives are changed by the friendships you make, we hope you will share your stories and encourage others in their own journeys.

In these early stages of the I Will Be a Friend initiative, we have spent some time researching other friendship-based initiatives that are happening around the world. Hopefully you’ll be inspired by one such program below, and you’ll recognize the unique opportunities of friendship you have in your own communities.

Friendship Force International (FFI) is another program that is working to promote peace and friendship across borders. Their program is vastly different than I Will Be a Friend, as you’ll see, but their goals are very similar to ours: to see bridges of friendship built between peoples of different cultures, and to increase understanding and promote peace. FFI members travel to one another’s homes in different countries, experiencing life in unfamiliar cultures and building genuine friendships with those whom they meet.

We weren’t able to embed videos from FFI into this blog, but we are happy to share the links of a few YouTube FFI videos for you to check out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUWqNyYi02g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnJiCzRae34