Our Motivations in Friendship
A few weeks ago, this headline was read in the LA Times, “Tiger Woods blames himself, says he was ’selfish’ .” The way that Tiger Woods’ decisions have affected himself and his family are heart breaking to say the least. Tiger Woods’ situation, whether you agree it should be in the forefront of the media or not, may at least force us to consider our relationships, namely friendships.
Recently I was challenged in reading the words of Jesus where he said, “Greater love has no person than this, that they lay down their life for their friends.” I’ve often read this text, and given it a mental thumbs up to do nothing more than move on to the next section of the text containing those words.
One night as I was reading this text, I actually stopped at “lay down their life for their friends…” and I started to wrestle with this emotionally and mentally. I asked myself, “How often in friendship do I REALLY lay down my life?” “What does it mean?” I wondered… to lay down my life. I took this to an emotional place in my heart and considered that for one, it means LAYING DOWN my rights, my wants, and my expectations in friendship. As Tiger Woods said later in his official apology, “For all that I have done, I am so sorry… I thought I was entitled.”
How often do we feel entitled in friendship? Is it more common for us to feel that friendship is about giving up our entitlements, and laying down our life for another so that our friend would be blessed, or to engage in a friendship, because we’ll get something meaningful out of it. “This person encourages me so much.” “This person really challenges me mentally, or spiritually.” “This person makes me feel a thousand feet tall when I’m around them.”
I started to recognize that if I were truly honest that I was more interested in my OWN gain in a friendship as opposed to what my friend would gain. The notion of laying down my life, meaning to find ways that I could bless my friends, and to not seek to GET something out of the relationship in a selfish way really has challenged me.
As we consider I WILL BE A FRIEND over the next couple of weeks and months, I challenge us to seek relationships with those, who are very different than us culturally, and specifically that we seek to find ways to lay down our lives, so that we might be a gift to someone very different than us, a NEW FRIEND.